Why Humility is a basis of the Deen?
Is Taqwa the Basis of Everything?
Self Reflection and Self Criticism
Is Taqwa the Basis of Everything?
In the Qualities article I elaborated how one key quality that we must look for in a spouse must be Islam. The following of Islam that is sincere to Allah aza wa jal and not for any other reason. I also thought that this must also be the MOST essential quality that a Muslim needs to have to be an Islamic Personality. Furthermore in terms of doing dawah to people, I thought that Taqwa was something which I would undoubtedly need to build for someone to become Islamic.
Recently, however, I have changed my understanding. This has come through some thought and some (what I hope is) deep contemplation. The conclusion I have come to, is that the MOST ESSENTIAL quality in any spouse or the basis of any Islamic personality must be HUMILITY. I struggled with whether it is taqwa that leads to humility or is it that humility leads to taqwa?
Humility or Humbleness
Humility or humbleness is the opposite or arrogance and pride. It is the opposite of believing ourselves to be self-righteous, above others, or self-important. Indeed we find that it was this kibr(pride/arrogance) that led shaitaan to kufr, it was this kibr that led Abu Lahab not to believe even though he knew Islam was the truth and it was this kibr that led the Jews to reject the truth at the time of the Messenger of Allah(saw).
Examples for Us
In contrast if we look at our noble examples from the time of the Nabi (saw) we find that the Messenger of Allah (saw) made sure that this most essential quality was built in the sahaba(ra). We find that the Messenger (saw) was the MOST humblest of creation’s. Being the best of the best from all that Allah swt created, being guaranteed the highest of statuses, being able to command unlimited resources, the Messenger(saw) showed us how we should never be affected by the me/myself and I syndrome, thinking we are all too important or that we are self-righteous or that our actions are all-too-important.
Was not our Nabi(saw) the leader of the state when he would help his wives with the housework? Did not our Messenger(saw) command armies which were to conquer vast lands – yet he slept on mats and ate as any servant would do. His clothes were ones which were no different to those around him-having patches and he never complained about food. It has been narrated that the Messenger(saw) arranged to meet someone before Dhuhr and the person came hours later, while the Messenger(saw) sticking to his promise, stayed in the blazing sun, not complaining about the lateness of the Muslim who thought himself too-important to stick to his word (OK, the sahaba probably wanted to hammer the dude, but the Messsenger(saw) neva said nowt).
Let’s think about the example of Umar(ra) – who would take turns with his slave to ride the camel while they were on a journey to Aqsa. When coming to the end of the journey the slave said to Umar(ra) ‘O Umar, the people will see me riding, while you the Khaleef, walks?’. Umar(ra) replied ‘It’s your turn, so be it.
Let’s think about the example of Umar(ra) how he was the one who ran to Hudayfah(ra), who’d been given the list of hypocrites, asking Hudayfa(ra) if he was a hypocrite, even though the Messenger had included him in the list of Ashara-Mubashara, and even though the sahaba(ra) were the most favoured generation amongst mankind. Is this the example of someone who sees himself as self-righteous?
Self Reflection and Self Criticism
Indeed an essential quality that any Muslim most have is the quality of self-reflection. A quality which makes the Muslim question himself, it makes the Muslim the one who never thinks he has attained closeness, but rather is always perfecting himself, trying to correct his intentions and his nafsiyya. Trying his utmost to get closer to his Lord, always seeking His(swt)’s mercy and forgiveness. Always realising the short-comings in his actions and his conduct with people around him.
But self-reflection can ONLY occur from the Muslim who is humble, who does not think of himself as self-righteous, and has no kibr. Introspection and reflection can only come about if the person truly has humility in all the aspects of his life.
Marriage
With respect to marriage, kibr in a person leads to the non-appreciation of his/her spouse. Any relationship, regardless of the amount of love and compassion that may exist in it, still requires an awful lot of effort and perseverance, but with kibr you will not find a true recognition of this need since the each party will think they are better than other half. In actual fact humbleness will mean that both spouses will individually feel that they are the ‘lucky ones’ – lucky to have the other as their spouse J
Furthermore Kibr results in a attitude of ‘self-importance’ and therefore a ‘demand’ of expectations that will make the relationship mechanical and uncompassionate. It was indeed Umar(ra) who said: ‘my wife does not give me all the rights, and neither do I demand such, for then she would demand the same’.
Is it not the case that our elders warn us against marrying someone who is really beautiful? But surely, it is not the beauty that is the problem, but rather it is the persons attitude to what blessings Allah swt may have bestowed upon them that is the cause of issues.
Is it not the case that we are discouraged from praising people, to even such an extent that elders warn us against expressing unconditional love for our spouses? But surely, it isn’t the praise or the expression that is the problem but the resulting behaviourism and attitude of one who may have kibr.
Or how sometimes married brothers think it wise to keep mentioning second marriage to their wives…’to somehow keep them on their toes’! Strange! Do they not realise that this affects the relationship and that the companionship is built on accepting individuals for whom they are and not agitating insecurities to force behaviourisms?
Why humbleness is the Basis?
Humbleness results in a person realising that he is nothing, realising that he is not close to Allah aza wa jal as Allah swt desires. Realising his mistakes, realising his errors in everything and forever seeking to perfect his relationship with Allah swt and to make sure he positively affects those around him for the sake of Allah swt alone.
This is how we should understand the sayings: ‘The hypocrite is the one who thinks he is not’ or the saying ‘He who thinks he is sincere, he is insincere’. For questioning yourself, criticising your own actions, realising the many mistakes and errors of your ways is the ONLY way to attain closeness to Allah aza wa jal. The true Muslim realises that he is nothing without Allah swt’s guidance, mercy and blessings. He does not think much of his actions, he find faults in everything he does and therefore realises that it is only through the mercy of Allah swt from which he can attain Jannah and is therefore forever dependent on Him swt. We should reflect on the hadith about Allah swt placing all of mans actions against the blessing of sight, and the blessing of sight will outweigh all what man thinks may have been enough, hence we should realise that no matter no important or critical we feel our actions are, they are not enough for us to attain Jannah and we rely on Allah’s mercy completely.
Another proof of why humility is the basis, is that humbleness results in the acceptance of truth. What is the ONE quality that is common in all reverts to Islam? The ONE quality any revert to Islam has that led him to accept Islam was indeed humbleness. Hence humbleness being the basis of the deen and the Islamic personality.
How Kibr leads to Jahannum?
So how then could minds which profess to be Muslims, hearts which profess to love Allah swt and his Messenger(saw) not be humbled by everything around them? How could they let their ego or their nafs get the better of them? Do they not reflect from where they came, or, at the vastness of the Universe around them?
This is why our Nabi(saw) commented on Kibr, saying that he who has an ounce of it in his heart, will never enter Jannah, for the one who does have this disease will never see the need to improve, the need to reflect, the need to get closer to Allah aza wa jal, or realise his mistakes or the errors of his ways.
Reflect O’ Muslim
Allah swt in the Qur’am al Kareem says: “And the servants of (God) Most Gracious are those who walk on earth in humility”. Hence we should question ourselves, perfect ourselves and always pray to Allah swt to make us of those who have khushoo (humility) in life. Let us think about the following actions which may represent kibr which we need to work on iA:
- Are we ones which fly into a road rage when we feel someone has taken away our right of peaceful driving? Or do we easily accept that it’s a mistake, and mistakes happen?
- Do we get vexed when waiting for someone? Or rather happy for the opportunity of reward and we utilise the time in the Dhikr of Allah swt?
- Or do we find that we allow petty issues to get to us and tick us off easily? Should our expectations be so bold and our ego’s so big as such?
- Or as spouses will we have issues doing or helping with the housework, thinking it is below us and therefore not worthy of our time?
- Why is it we find that after a couple have children, one of the spouses will change their behaviour – assuming the other is stuck for life and therefore we will USE that?
- Or my personal favourite dislike: Private Number plates..surely saying, ‘hey look at me, this is me, I can own a number plate’…classic!
Dua
O Allah, I realise that it is through only you that I can attain Jannah, that I can attain guidance and mercy, that I can attain closeness. I realise that without you I am nothing, that I am misguided and sure to enter the hell-fire. Therefore it is only you that I can beg to forgive me, that I beg to guide me, that I beg so as to change my heart, to a heart that realises my true worth, my true nothingness. Indeed, O Allah, there are many instances where I sin becoming arrogant and proud. Yet I turn to you O Allah for you are the only one anyone can turn to, you are the only one that can forgive and you are the only one who provides.
Outer calmness is the reflection of inner awareness 
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